... then we debated on whether or not if you caught the enemy fucking a donkey you blew up the donkey too, since it had already been through so much trauma and someone else would just rape it again later...
He said he would show me the video sometime... so I know we have a future together.
...
Uh...I'm kidding about the future part.

Maybe you can suggest Sparky's instead?

Suggest it for him instead of hanging out at my work, or suggest it for us, instead of showing me the donkey fucking video?

The donkey fucking one.

The fact there there is a "The donkey fucking one" option says something, doesn't it?

Holidays

"Ok, let's just skip over all that 'whose turkey was moister' bullshit. What do we talk about first, sex or cancer?"

"And you just don't duck with badass birches like us."

"Hey, is ducking really a word? Or just something autocorrect made up?"

"It's a word. Like when you having to avoid something thrown at you, you're ducking."

"Oh! Yeah! I kept thinking...
It has nothing at all to do with Ducks."

"No. Nor that reality show with the guys with the hideous beards."

"When someone tells you they are going to be a bad boyfriend, you should believe them."

Reality check...

"Somehow or another I'd filed the poop conversation under "worldly"."

"Someday you will have to explain to me your filing system."

"Are you still there?... Do you need me to come untie you? If it's one of those Japanese knots I'm just bringing weed cutters."